Jealousy x Abundance Mindset

Let's begin with saying jealousy is a normal emotion that comes with a lot of negative connotation. In evolutionary terms, emotions are really just adaptive responses to the environment that increases our chances of survival. Jealousy serves a purpose in lighting the fire for motivation, to be competitive, to continue in self-improvement. However, like all other emotions, too much or unmanaged jealousy can have a negative impact on our lives.

Like all emotions, jealousy is there to tell you something about yourself and your needs. For instance, jealousy can mean that there is a need to communicate your needs, boundaries or desires to someone or could mean addressing your own insecurities.

Therefore, it is important to be mindful and self-aware of your own signs of jealousy. For many people jealously can show up in the forms of: anger or resentment towards a person, difficulty feeling happy, self-critical, uncertain of one's own self-worth, difficulty making or maintaining relationships, feeling immediate dislike for a new person in a loved one's life, feeling distant from others, insecurity, or deep sadness. Jealously also doesn't just exist in our romantic relationships, it exists within families, between coworkers, and amongst friends.

Many will ask the question of "Why am I jealous?". Well, although you are often consciously aware of jealousy that you are experiencing, sometimes the actual reasons are buried in the unconscious under traumas, society's expectations, or learned behaviors that are all disguised by rationalizations. All the work that a fine therapist can help you reveal!

However, it is worth noting that at the root of nearly all jealousy lies fear of loss. Someone may fear the loss of a relationship, loss of self-respect, loss of opportunity, etc. We can all empathize with that right? It is terrifying to think of losing someone important to your, losing respect, or losing any opportunity.

Based of just what was provided in this brief post, here are somethings you can do to increase your self-awareness and address of your own jealousy:

1. Introspect and take note of what triggers jealousy for you.

Examples could be seeing someone achieve something you want. Someone having your partner's attention. Your friend spending more time with others. Someone getting more attention than you. Someone getting an opportunity that wasn't offered to you.

2. Use your imagination to make you feel better, not worse.

Of course I am biased and have to add a CBT exercise, but CBT is highly effective and empirically supported for a reason. Jealousy can be driven by the destructive use of the imagination. For instance, if your partner is home later than normal, you may start to imagine them staying out late to spend time with someone else. Such a thought would create feelings of anger, fear, or resentment towards your partner. This may lead you to behaving in a way that is defensive, accusatory, aggressive, or distant from your partner. Whereas, having more rational, realistic thoughts may be more beneficial.

3. Reduce media consumption

Almost every form of media causes us to desire what we don't have. From company advertisements to seeing the highlights, rather than mundane things, of other peoples' lives. Dedicate this time to something else that feeds your soul and mindset in a positive way. Whether that be reading, affirming yourself, or doing something you enjoy.

4. Adopting an Abundance Mindset

When we are triggered by someone else's success it is often deeply rooted in a scarcity mindset. We fall into the trap of thinking that because another person has something you want that it is not unattainable to you. In a scarcity mindset we see others' successes as our own failures or their having as our own lacking. We fall into a thinking trap of believing that there isn't enough to go around.

As Covey describes it in his work of art 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:

"The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, or decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity."

Therefore, an abundance mindset focuses on long term. Just because you don't have something RIGHT NOW does not mean you won't EVER have it. It also creates positive feelings towards others and can be a source of genuine happiness for another person.

A practice you can actively do when feelings of jealousy arise is to ask yourself "Are my thoughts about this based on scarcity of something" and then ask "How can I shift my mindset to abundance?".

A second practice is to recognize the power of language. Our language essentially creates our identity. It molds how we see ourself and how we portray ourself. In order to speak through an abundance mindset we have to acknowledge the things we say that still hold us back in a state of scarcity and fear. Acknowledging how we communicate about a lost opportunity. Does it sound like "Well there goes that I'll never get another chance" or does it sound like "That was a hard rejection, but I know there will be more opportunities"?

An abundance mindset cultivates a craving for learning and growth and requires comfortability with admitting we don't know everything. It also requires us to maintain an open and enthusiastic attitude and a willingness to override our automatic thoughts and preconceptions.